I think I was just propositioned by a 60 year old man.
A completely unsolicited “Why don’t you come with me and shower in my hotel room?” isn’t your usual bar room banter is it?
Well, sir, since you asked, my reasons are many and varied. Here they are in list form:
- Not really my scene.
- I still have money.
- That bar chick though…
- I don’t find you attractive.
- You look like you might kill me then burn me in your hotel room bathtub.
Quite a thought process to arrive at a simple “No thanks man, I’ll pass. Happy hunting.”
Sometimes I feel like I’m the one who could make Taylor Swift happy. Then I realise I probably couldn’t and it bums me out.
Whenever I attend a costume party I always find myself referring to the people I meet as the characters they’re dressed up as.
“No, your name isn’t Daniel. It’s Batman. Don’t share your secret identity man! That’s Batman 101. Isn’t that right Dr. Evil?“
Today I’d like to share with you a nice little mix of hyper-awareness and neuroticism.
After complimenting my friendly neighbourhood bar-girl with a “You look really nice today” I then immediately realise how my statement infers she didn’t look nice the day before.
She then responds, “So I didn’t look nice yesterday?”
I momentarily pause, index finger outstretched and mouth agape like I’m going to keep my charm intact with a clever retort and… no. Nothing comes out. Clever or otherwise.
She laughs and pours me a beer, while I laugh and hope I came across more awkwardly endearing as opposed to a complete and utter social freakshow.
This afternoon I found myself on a train. With other people. Which sucks. As previously established, I’m not very good at trains.
Sitting directly behind me was a mother, who I’m sure was a teenager in the 90’s, and her three children. The eldest, a girl that couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven, kept singing a single line from Aqua’s Cartoon Heroes. Over and over again. Very loudly.
Continue reading “The One Where Travis Crushes A Little Girl’s Spirit.”
It’s really difficult to self edit. I can proof read what I’ve written a dozen times and still miss glaring spelling errors or grammatical mistakes, because I read what I’ve intended to write. Not what I’ve actually written.
When I interact with a girl wearing a choker I immediately perceive her differently than I would if she were sans choker.
I need to work on that.
While discussing global politics and the current state of the world my friend just proposed the following:
“I guarantee that McDonald’s is already using the homeless and dispossessed as a source of meat. McHomeless man! Think about it. When was the last time you actually saw a cow?”
Can you be too woke?