The One Where Travis Crushes A Little Girl’s Spirit.

This afternoon I found myself on a train. With other people. Which sucks. As previously established, I’m not very good at trains.

Sitting directly behind me was a mother, who I’m sure was a teenager in the 90’s, and her three children. The eldest, a girl that couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven, kept singing a single line from Aqua’s Cartoon Heroes. Over and over again. Very loudly.

Continue reading “The One Where Travis Crushes A Little Girl’s Spirit.”

Short Thought 006

While discussing global politics and the current state of the world my friend just proposed the following:

“I guarantee that McDonald’s is already using the homeless and dispossessed as a source of meat. McHomeless man! Think about it. When was the last time you actually saw a cow?”

Can you be too woke?

Short Thought 005

Whenever I see someone on the street that looks like they belong in Game of Thrones it’s always (always) a despair ridden, downtrodden soul that looks like a choleretic medieval peasant.

I never (ever) walk past, or give change to, any determined blonde dragon Queens or fierce red-headed Wildling warriors. 

Things That Suck: The Snooze Button.

I don’t use the snooze button. Never have, never will. I set my alarm to go off at the last possible minute to try and choke all the potential sleep out of the nights lungs.

Sleep is rad.

SadButTrue
Me too Ralph, me too.

The snooze button. Whether it’s on your phone, alarm clock or whatever. I just don’t get it. At its absolute base level –  hitting the snooze button means that you’ve set your alarm to go off before you need it to go off. Before you need to get out of bed.

What kind of lunacy is that?

Continue reading “Things That Suck: The Snooze Button.”

Short Thought 003

I woke up this morning in my shower, with the water still running, and suffering from a Memento-esque memory haze. Apparently, after a night of significant revelry, I decided to have shower upon returning home. No big deal.

But the plot thickens. By inadvertently blocking the drain with my highly intoxicated self half an inch of water now covers the floor across the entirety of my apartment.

Despite having absolutely no idea how to deal with the copious amount of unwanted water I reflect on how thankful I am that my apartment didn’t come with a bathtub.

Short Thought 001

This morning I received a phone call from a woman I’ve never met. She told me her name was Tina and that she wanted to talk to me about insurance. It took every ounce of my self control not to state in a frustrated tone “Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner.”