Every time I go to the bathroom in one of my favourite local bars I look up at the plaster repair job above the urinal and can’t help but feel I’m being watched.
For the same reason I don’t make New Years resolutions I’ve never felt the urge to reflect on my blog at the end of the calendar year.
In both cases it seems so bizarrely arbitrary.
If an individual wishes to reflect on their life or make positive changes to it; kick ass. That’s to be commended. However, ANY TIME IS A GOOD TIME TO DO THIS. The 22nd of July, the 1st of August, the 14th of November or March the goddamn 26th are all equally opportune dates to decide to stop sucking so much.
So I was sitting at a bar, minding my own business, when suddenly a random guy appeared out of nowhere and took the seat immediately to my right. Which I found somewhat peculiar because I was sitting alone in a booth.
He was completely unremarkable in every way and, as I was completely immersed in my drinking/writing, I paid him no mind.
At least I tried to.
The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.
Kardashians. Autistic screeching.
I’m thinking there may be a correlation.
Coming soon to Only I Stand Here: The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit (patent pending).
These state of the art, individually manufactured units are perfect for the modern vinyl collector/hipster.
Each high quality unit features the following features:
- Stylish vintage retro design.
- Highly durable.
- Integrated carry handles.
- Technologically advanced polymer finish.
These sturdy, retro look, fully functional vinyl storage units come in a variety of colours and are completely stackable*.
We here at Only I Stand Here are pleased to offer you a fully repurposed BRAND NEW** The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit for the low, low price of $78.43 per unit. Plus postage and handling.
Why put a price on peace of mind?
*Units only stackable when empty.
**Units may actually be stolen from the bar/restaurant behind my apartment building.
***Can you tell I’ve become sarcastic and disillusioned while hunting for practical, reasonably priced, no nonsense vinyl storage?
I have no idea why, but I dig when middle aged women call me “darl”.
The more you know.
Christ. What a grim indictment on our society that the charity tin sitting on the bar needs to be chained and padlocked to the goddamn beer taps.
Or, from a slightly more abstract viewpoint, perhaps this image exemplifies how our collective hope is intrinsically tethered to beer?
My Ma recently texted me because her fridge wasn’t doing cold very well. Which is kinda the main point of fridges. I advised her “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
She stated “No. It’s not a computer. Fridges are all automatic now.”
I responded “Hmm. Are they though? Because yours is only two years old and it isn’t working. Try turning it off and on again.”
My Ma’s response “I don’t want to break it, I might call someone to fix it.”
“Don’t do that, I’ll be up in two days time. I’ll have a look at it.”
Unless it’s on fire, I have zero idea how to tell the difference between a fridge that’s working and one that isn’t. Nonetheless…