Short Thought 026

The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.

Kardashians. Autistic screeching.

I’m thinking there may be a correlation.

Short Thought 024

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*Units only stackable when empty.
**Units may actually be stolen from the bar/restaurant behind my apartment building.
***Can you tell I’ve become sarcastic and disillusioned while hunting for practical, reasonably priced, no nonsense vinyl storage? 

Short Thought 017

TheGrimFandango
You know there’s a very good reason the chain has been deemed necessary.

Christ. What a grim indictment on our society that the charity tin sitting on the bar needs to be chained and padlocked to the goddamn beer taps.

Or, from a slightly more abstract viewpoint, perhaps this image exemplifies how our collective hope is intrinsically tethered to beer?

That’s Alright Mama.

My Ma recently texted me because her fridge wasn’t doing cold very well. Which is kinda the main point of fridges. I advised her “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

She stated “No. It’s not a computer. Fridges are all automatic now.”

I responded “Hmm. Are they though? Because yours is only two years old and it isn’t working. Try turning it off and on again.”

My Ma’s response “I don’t want to break it, I might call someone to fix it.”

“Don’t do that, I’ll be up in two days time. I’ll have a look at it.”

Unless it’s on fire, I have zero idea how to tell the difference between a fridge that’s working and one that isn’t. Nonetheless…

Continue reading “That’s Alright Mama.”

The Kids Are Alright.

While standing at the bar of one of the many bars I frequent, emanating from somewhere behind me, I overhear a female voice taking part in one half of a phone conversation.

“Ugh. I’m at some bar.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t want to be here, its all, like, dark. And full of weirdos.”

“Ugh. No. I have no idea when we’re leaving.”

“Oh Em Gee, it’s the worst, like, I don’t even know why they wanted to come here.” 

“I know! We never go to cool places that I wanna go to.”

Being one of said weirdos in the, like, dark bar, I look over my shoulder to try and steal a glimpse of the dissatisfied orator of this asymmetrical diatribe.

Continue reading “The Kids Are Alright.”

Short Thought 012

I think I was just propositioned by a 60 year old man.

A completely unsolicited “Why don’t you come with me and shower in my hotel room?” isn’t your usual bar room banter is it?

Is it?

Well, sir, since you asked, my reasons are many and varied. Here they are in list form:

  1. Not really my scene.
  2. I still have money.
  3. That bar chick though…
  4. I don’t find you attractive.
  5. You look like you might kill me then burn me in your hotel room bathtub.

Quite a thought process to arrive at a simple “No thanks man, I’ll pass. Happy hunting.”