Witch Witch is Witch.

For all of those that haven’t been paying attention, I’m a counsellor and I work at a High School. Recently I was called into a classroom by an English teacher to help deescalate a student from going full ham. Which I was able to do because I’m awesome at my job and speak the language of the voiceless and disenfranchised.

I asked if I could stay in the room, telling the teacher and students I wanted to avoid doing paperwork, but secretly wanting to monitor the student/situation lest shit escalate again. I also wanted to avoid doing paperwork.

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Things That Suck: The Snooze Button.

I don’t use the snooze button. Never have, never will. I set my alarm to go off at the last possible minute to try and choke all the potential sleep out of the nights lungs.

Sleep is rad.

Me too Ralph, me too.

The snooze button. Whether it’s on your phone, alarm clock or whatever. I just don’t get it. At its absolute base level –  hitting the snooze button means that you’ve set your alarm to go off before you need it to go off. Before you need to get out of bed.

What kind of lunacy is that?

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Things That Suck: Dish Towels/Tea Towels.

Dish towels. Or tea towels if you live somewhere a little more colonial. Pretty innocuous right? Usually found hanging from the oven handle in kitchens all over the world. Perfect for drying dishes and wiping up spills. Potentially the understated MVP of the kitchen.

Dish towels. Tea towels. Kitchen towels. Kitchen cloths. Dish towels. Keyser Söze. They go by many names.

Or are they callous betrayers and the spawn of the goddamn devil?

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Things That Suck: Long Goodbyes.

Ah, the long goodbye. Essentially any time one person is forced to interact with another person this bizarre exercise in human interaction can happen. It’s probably happened to you. And it’s the dirt worst.

Imagine. Or recall. You’re at a party, family gathering, meeting, wedding, funeral, work function, bris, intervention, or something as low key as a few quiet beers with a friend… At some point you will invariably decide that the event or whatever is over, you’ve had enough, and you’re going to leave.

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The Twisted Ballad of Little Satan and The Jerk Queen.

Part I – Trouble In Paradise.

So I’m in Bali sitting in my usual favourite café/bar/warung enjoying a deliciously inexpensive meal and a quietly cold beer. After a big morning of riding around aimlessly on my bike and soaking in the human potpourri that is Bali I had built up an appetite for relaxation. I’ve given my order to the dependably perky waitress and eagerly await the forthcoming taste sensation.


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Things That Suck: Days.

I’d like to begin by clarifying that I don’t think the intervals of light between two successive nights suck. I’m a huge fan of the 24 hours that represent the average length of time during which the earth makes one rotation on its axis. Those days are rad. Full of wonder, adventure, excitement, and television.

It’s those other days. Awareness days you could call them. I’m sure you know the ones. The days where an organisation, usually a charity, commandeers 24 hours of public time to shill their chosen cause.

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Things That Suck: The Pinnacle Of Unneccessarily Annoying Vehicular Technology.

Over the past 30 years there have been substantial improvements in vehicular design that have significantly improved the comfort and safety of the motoring experience for the better.

Satellite navigation has finally put an end to the horrible cliché of men getting lost and not wanting to ask for directions. Reverse cameras have made “accidentally” backing over Little Jimmy’s toys in the driveway a less viable lie. Kids no longer need to tire themselves out by developing their own imaginations to pass away countless hours of back seat travel; they can watch someone else’s imagination at work via Woody and Buzz in the back of Mum and Dad’s headrests.

And cup holders are a great way to hold a beverage while driving.

Mankind’s greatest accomplishment.
Mankind’s greatest accomplishment.

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Things That Suck: CD Cases.

If ever there was a case that truly justified the overused expression “We can put a man on the moon but we can’t… whatever, this is it.

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t make CD cases that don’t self destruct on contact.

They’re not highly confidential messages from Chief Quimby to Inspector Gadget goddamn it.
They’re not highly confidential messages from Chief Quimby to Inspector Gadget goddamn it.

Since their inception in 198- CD cases have been ass. I’m talking specifically about the “jewel case” which is by far the most common and if you own any CDs at all chances are 98% of them have this design.

Bizarrely, despite their numerous and obvious flaws, there has never been any significant advances in CD case technology. The cases that were first mass produced in the early 80’s are exactly the same as the ones we still use today.

It’s insane.

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