So I was sitting at a bar, minding my own business, when suddenly a random guy appeared out of nowhere and took the seat immediately to my right. Which I found somewhat peculiar because I was sitting alone in a booth.
He was completely unremarkable in every way and, as I was completely immersed in my drinking/writing, I paid him no mind.
The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.
I see every single one of these little brats as a Veruca Salt or Joffrey goddamn Baratheon. Constantly demanding attention, climbing over the furniture, hanging from the bar, ignoring spacial boundaries, generally getting in the way.
Coming soon to Only I Stand Here: The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit (patent pending).
These state of the art, individually manufactured units are perfect for the modern vinyl collector/hipster.
Each high quality unit features the following features:
Stylish vintage retro design.
Integrated carry handles.
Technologically advanced polymer finish.
These sturdy, retro look, fully functional vinyl storage units come in a variety of colours and are completely stackable*.
We here at Only I Stand Here are pleased to offer you a fully repurposed BRAND NEW** The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit for the low, low price of $78.43 per unit. Plus postage and handling.
Why put a price on peace of mind?
*Units only stackable when empty.
**Units may actually be stolen from the bar/restaurant behind my apartment building.
***Can you tell I’ve become sarcastic and disillusioned while hunting for practical, reasonably priced, no nonsense vinyl storage?
I’m not going to preach or pontificate, or at the very least I’ll try to keep all preachiness and pontifications to a minimum. I simply thought that maybe an every-mans view of the issue may be more tolerable to some than the endless opinions of the pseudo-intellectuals, politicians and religious zealots.
I may, however, swear and cast aspersions.
Before I begin I also want to say; being a guy that is into chicks I straight up acknowledge that there are many people out there far more knowledgeable on the subject than I am. You know, people that have actual experience being in same sex relationships and are therefore far more qualified to comment on how marital prejudice personally affects them and their relationships.
I’ve been toying with the idea of starting an Only I Stand Here SnapchatTM account.
The pressure to deliver consistent and hilarious content would eventually end up driving me insane but imagine a world where you guys have access to the alcohol fueled Only I Stand Here brand of detached observational humour and legitimate societal confusion in real time!
Sounds awesome right?
Now also imagine spammy updates regarding my sporadic site posts and relentless SnapsTM of my cat!
Holy shit, *do I know what peeps want! Or do I know what peeps want?!