Short Thought 28

kek
Call me paranoid but I think my tablet just overheard my last order…

[SPOILERS BELOW]

.

.

.

.

.

The correct answer is:

  • 1 & 3/4 Australian pints.
  • 1.76 UK pints.
  • 2.11338 US liquid pints.
  • 1.75975 Imperial pints.

Bonus question: How many pints in my bloodstream?

6. The answer is 6.

Short Thought 026

The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.

Kardashians. Autistic screeching.

I’m thinking there may be a correlation.

Short Thought 025

I can’t stand children in bars/pubs.

I see every single one of these little brats as a Veruca Salt or Joffrey goddamn Baratheon. Constantly demanding attention, climbing over the furniture, hanging from the bar, ignoring spacial boundaries, generally getting in the way.

Fuck.

It’s bad enough when adults do it.

 

Short Thought 024

!EXCLUSIVE OFFER!

Coming soon to Only I Stand Here: The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit (patent pending).

A Thing!
Dynamic! Practical! Engineered to last! Not a milk crate!

These state of the art, individually manufactured units are perfect for the modern vinyl collector/hipster.

Each high quality unit features the following features:

  • Stylish vintage retro design.
  • Highly durable.
  • Integrated carry handles.
  • Technologically advanced polymer finish.

These sturdy, retro look, fully functional vinyl storage units come in a variety of colours and are completely stackable*.

We here at Only I Stand Here are pleased to offer you a fully repurposed BRAND NEW** The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit for the low, low price of $78.43 per unit. Plus postage and handling.

Why put a price on peace of mind?

Order now!***

 

 

 

 

*Units only stackable when empty.
**Units may actually be stolen from the bar/restaurant behind my apartment building.
***Can you tell I’ve become sarcastic and disillusioned while hunting for practical, reasonably priced, no nonsense vinyl storage? 

Hey Australia, Same Sex Marriage Will Not Destroy Us All.

I’ve touched on the ridiculousness of anti-LGBTIQ sentiment before and with the Same Sex Marriage debate reaching fever pitch in Australia I’m touching on it again.

I’m not going to preach or pontificate, or at the very least I’ll at least try to keep all preachiness and pontifications to a minimum. I simply thought that maybe an every-mans view of the issue may be more tolerable to some than the endless opinions of the pseudo-intellectuals, politicians and religious zealots.

I may, however, swear and cast aspersions.

Before I begin I also want to say; being a guy that is into chicks I straight up acknowledge that there are many people out there far more knowledgeable on the subject that I am. You know, people that have actual experience being in same sex relationships and are therefore far more qualified to comment on how marital prejudice personally affects them and their relationships.

So.

Continue reading “Hey Australia, Same Sex Marriage Will Not Destroy Us All.”

Short Thought 021

Kermit Is Kill
Forgive the unforgivable vertical orientation. I was drunk.

I’ve been toying with the idea of starting an Only I Stand Here SnapchatTM account.

The pressure to deliver consistent and hilarious content would eventually end up driving me insane but imagine a world where you guys have access to the alcohol fueled Only I Stand Here brand of detached observational humour and legitimate societal confusion in real time!

Sounds awesome right?

Now also imagine spammy updates regarding my sporadic site posts and relentless SnapsTM of my cat!

Holy shit, *do I know what peeps want! Or do I know what peeps want?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I have no idea what people want.

Short Thought 018

Last night while bar hopping into the wee hours of the morning I saw a homeless man with a clothes horse. Or a drying airer. Or clothes airer. Whatever you happen call one of these things where you live…

So Much Suck
“We need to invent something that has the potential to dry clothes but is also an unwieldy mess that collapses at the slightest touch.” – Engineers.

Among the many thoughts that raced through my mind, the loudest and shoutiest was…

Man, if I were to suddenly become homeless maintaining possession of a clothes horse would not be high on my list of priorities. One of the small joys I would take out of the soul crushing situation would be that I could throw my clothes horse in a fucking river. I hate those things.