Items of clothing are pretty much outfit ingredients. Right?
You ever drop a chunk of watermelon on the kitchen floor and think to yourself –
“Why am I such a failure? This kind of shit is precisely the reason why I can’t manage my career or keep a steady relationship. Fuck this shit. Why am I such a mess?”
My friend found two errant Milky Way chocolate bars on the street today. After a considered deliberation he ate them both.
This got me thinking…
Outside of a box of Celebrations, I don’t think anyone has paid for a Milky Way since 1989.
Like, the beef has bad tattoos and enjoys skateboarding and base jumping.
I loathe cooking and having to cook. Yet I’m totally into meal prepping.
Apparently I’ve severely underestimated the allure of rockmelons. Much like the Siren of Greek myth luring an enraptured sailor to his watery grave, the temptation of the rockmelon is seemingly impossible to resist.
A Victorian man in his 80s has become the fifth person to die in a listeria outbreak after eating contaminated rockmelons.
I TRIED TO WARN YOU ALL WEEKS AGO! THIS STORY IS IN THE NEWS EVERY DAY! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! THE ROCKMELONS ARE CONTAMINATED! STOP EATING THEM! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!
It’s common knowledge that Australia is full of things that can, and will, kill you.
For those of us that somehow survive the daily onslaught of these perpetual threats, it’s time to add a new nefarious killer to the list.
Because of my Irish heritage I am required to carry at least three (3) potatoes on my person at all times.