Short Thought 042

This afternoon, while frequenting one of the many bars I frequent, I overheard the following statement uttered by a super trendy young woman playing pool with her noticeably less trendy friend.

There were some real assholes in Footscray last night.”

Yes. I imagine there was. It is Footscray after all. I mean, it’s not Dandenong, or Frankston, but still…

I once saw a man randomly dive onto the bonnet of a car stopped in traffic and vomit onto the windshield in Footscray. At 11:00am on a Tuesday no less.

Good phở though.

Rockmelons II – The Revenge.

Apparently I’ve severely underestimated the allure of rockmelons. Much like the Siren of Greek myth luring an enraptured sailor to his watery grave, the temptation of the rockmelon is seemingly impossible to resist.

According to ABC news:

A Victorian man in his 80s has become the fifth person to die in a listeria outbreak after eating contaminated rockmelons.

I TRIED TO WARN YOU ALL WEEKS AGO! THIS STORY IS IN THE NEWS EVERY DAY! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! THE ROCKMELONS ARE CONTAMINATED! STOP EATING THEM! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!

Continue reading “Rockmelons II – The Revenge.”

Oh, And That Snapchat Thing…

What Snapchat thing? This Snapchat thing…

snapcode

Believe it or not, a reasonable number of peeps actually joined the Only I Stand Here Snapchat account that I created back here.

I can assure you, fair readers, that I’m as shocked as you are.

To these brave souls I say, god bless your cotton socks. You are truly the intrepid pioneers among us and are deserving of all the awe and admiration that such an undertaking warrants.

Kudos.

 

Australia Finds A Brand New Way To Kill Its Citizens.

It’s common knowledge that Australia is full of things that can, and will, kill you.

Snakes, spiders, horses, crocodiles, sharks, dingoes, psychos, assholes, farms, amusement park rides… It’s little wonder we drink so much.

For those of us that somehow survive the daily onslaught of these perpetual threats, it’s time to add a new nefarious killer to the list.

Continue reading “Australia Finds A Brand New Way To Kill Its Citizens.”