This afternoon, while frequenting one of the many bars I frequent, I overheard the following statement uttered by a super trendy young woman playing pool with her noticeably less trendy friend.
There were some real assholes in Footscray last night.”
Yes. I imagine there was. It is Footscray after all. I mean, it’s not Dandenong, or Frankston, but still…
I once saw a man randomly dive onto the bonnet of a car stopped in traffic and vomit onto the windshield in Footscray. At 11:00am on a Tuesday no less.
*Edit – Not in a creepy stalker/abduction way. More like “
I’m super pumped to see this talented and beautiful, reckless ingenue that I’ve been listening to for years perform live.”
My brain woke me up at 3:40am this morning to suggest that I should try writing fiction.
Then it wouldn’t let me back to sleep because it wanted to explore
EVERY SINGLE POSSIBILITY.
Brain, man. I don’t even.
I loathe cooking and having to cook. Yet I’m totally into meal prepping.
Apparently I’ve severely underestimated the allure of rockmelons. Much like the Siren of Greek myth luring an enraptured sailor to his watery grave, the temptation of the rockmelon is seemingly impossible to resist.
According to ABC news:
A Victorian man in his 80s has become the fifth person to die in a listeria outbreak after eating contaminated rockmelons.
THIS STORY IS IN THE NEWS EVERY DAY! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! THE ROCKMELONS ARE CONTAMINATED! STOP EATING THEM! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I TRIED TO WARN YOU ALL WEEKS AGO! I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!
Continue reading “Rockmelons II – The Revenge.”
Ed Sheehan is in my general proximity. And the only reaction that inspires is…
That video he did with the cat was kinda cool, also he completely ruined that one episode of Game of Thrones.
And I take that shit seriously.
Ed Sheeran. Not even once.
What Snapchat thing? This Snapchat thing…
Believe it or not, a reasonable number of peeps actually joined the Only I Stand Here Snapchat account that I created back
I can assure you, fair readers, that I’m as shocked as you are.
To these brave souls I say, god bless your cotton socks. You are truly the intrepid pioneers among us and are deserving of all the awe and admiration that such an undertaking warrants.
It’s common knowledge that Australia is full of things that can, and will, kill you.
Snakes, spiders, horses, crocodiles, sharks, dingoes, psychos, assholes, farms, amusement park rides… It’s little wonder we drink so much.
For those of us that somehow survive the daily onslaught of these perpetual threats, it’s time to add a new nefarious killer to the list.
Continue reading “Australia Finds A Brand New Way To Kill Its Citizens.”