Short Thought 026

The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.

Kardashians. Autistic screeching.

I’m thinking there may be a correlation.

Short Thought 025

I can’t stand children in bars/pubs.

I see every single one of these little brats as a Veruca Salt or Joffrey goddamn Baratheon. Constantly demanding attention, climbing over the furniture, hanging from the bar, ignoring spacial boundaries, generally getting in the way.

Fuck.

It’s bad enough when adults do it.

 

Short Thought 024

!EXCLUSIVE OFFER!

Coming soon to Only I Stand Here: The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit (patent pending).

A Thing!
Dynamic! Practical! Engineered to last! Not a milk crate!

These state of the art, individually manufactured units are perfect for the modern vinyl collector/hipster.

Each high quality unit features the following features:

  • Stylish vintage retro design.
  • Highly durable.
  • Integrated carry handles.
  • Technologically advanced polymer finish.

These sturdy, retro look, fully functional vinyl storage units come in a variety of colours and are completely stackable*.

We here at Only I Stand Here are pleased to offer you a fully repurposed BRAND NEW** The Ultimate Vinyl Collection Storage System Unit for the low, low price of $78.43 per unit. Plus postage and handling.

Why put a price on peace of mind?

Order now!***

 

 

 

 

*Units only stackable when empty.
**Units may actually be stolen from the bar/restaurant behind my apartment building.
***Can you tell I’ve become sarcastic and disillusioned while hunting for practical, reasonably priced, no nonsense vinyl storage? 

Short Thought 021

Kermit Is Kill
Forgive the unforgivable vertical orientation. I was drunk.

I’ve been toying with the idea of starting an Only I Stand Here SnapchatTM account.

The pressure to deliver consistent and hilarious content would eventually end up driving me insane but imagine a world where you guys have access to the alcohol fueled Only I Stand Here brand of detached observational humour and legitimate societal confusion in real time!

Sounds awesome right?

Now also imagine spammy updates regarding my sporadic site posts and relentless SnapsTM of my cat!

Holy shit, *do I know what peeps want! Or do I know what peeps want?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I have no idea what people want.

Short Thought 020

Xenophobia Is Stupid
Oh the irony. The thoroughly fucking xenophobic irony.

I don’t even.

How did both the manufacturer and the purchaser miss the glaringly obvious grammatical error? Hate clouds intellect I guess.

Still, if you’re gonna openly celebrate your xenophobia and racism you should really make sure your spelling is on point. Lest you look like a huge fucking asshole.