Short Thought 029

So I was sitting at a bar, minding my own business, when suddenly a random guy appeared out of nowhere and took the seat immediately to my right. Which I found somewhat peculiar because I was sitting alone in a booth.

booths are not for strangers
Awkwardness level: 100%

He was completely unremarkable in every way and, as I was completely immersed in my drinking/writing, I paid him no mind.

At least I tried to.

Continue reading “Short Thought 029”

Short Thought 28

kek
Call me paranoid but I think my tablet just overheard my last order…

[SPOILERS BELOW]

.

.

.

.

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The correct answer is:

  • 1 & 3/4 Australian pints.
  • 1.76 UK pints.
  • 2.11338 US liquid pints.
  • 1.75975 Imperial pints.

Bonus question: How many pints in my bloodstream?

6. The answer is 6.

Short Thought 026

The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.

Kardashians. Autistic screeching.

I’m thinking there may be a correlation.

Short Thought 025

I can’t stand children in bars/pubs.

I see every single one of these little brats as a Veruca Salt or Joffrey goddamn Baratheon. Constantly demanding attention, climbing over the furniture, hanging from the bar, ignoring spacial boundaries, generally getting in the way.

Fuck.

It’s bad enough when adults do it.

 

The End of the Affair.

It’s 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon and I find myself sharing a bar with a group of people celebrating their Primary School reunion.  Which is apparently a thing people do. They all appear to be in their late 40’s/early 50’s and they’re all completely wrecked. Endless waves of Sambuca shots chased by pints of beer will do that to a person.

Because I’m totes sneaky and am always on the lookout for prime blog fodder I accidentally overhear the following quotes which, without the context of 40 years plus of shared experience, all sound somewhat deranged.

Continue reading “The End of the Affair.”

Short Thought 017

TheGrimFandango
You know there’s a very good reason the chain has been deemed necessary.

Christ. What a grim indictment on our society that the charity tin sitting on the bar needs to be chained and padlocked to the goddamn beer taps.

Or, from a slightly more abstract viewpoint, perhaps this image exemplifies how our collective hope is intrinsically tethered to beer?