Short Thought 28

kek
Call me paranoid but I think my tablet just overheard my last order…

[SPOILERS BELOW]

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The correct answer is:

  • 1 & 3/4 Australian pints.
  • 1.76 UK pints.
  • 2.11338 US liquid pints.
  • 1.75975 Imperial pints.

Bonus question: How many pints in my bloodstream?

6. The answer is 6.

Short Thought 026

The group of late 20-something women sitting three tables over from me are drowning out the conversation I’m trying to have and the music the venue is playing with their autistic screeching about the Kardashians.

Kardashians. Autistic screeching.

I’m thinking there may be a correlation.

Short Thought 025

I can’t stand children in bars/pubs.

I see every single one of these little brats as a Veruca Salt or Joffrey goddamn Baratheon. Constantly demanding attention, climbing over the furniture, hanging from the bar, ignoring spacial boundaries, generally getting in the way.

Fuck.

It’s bad enough when adults do it.

 

The End of the Affair.

It’s 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon and I find myself sharing a bar with a group of people celebrating their Primary School reunion.  Which is apparently a thing people do. They all appear to be in their late 40’s/early 50’s and they’re all completely wrecked. Endless waves of Sambuca shots chased by pints of beer will do that to a person.

Because I’m totes sneaky and am always on the lookout for prime blog fodder I accidentally overhear the following quotes which, without the context of 40 years plus of shared experience, all sound somewhat deranged.

Continue reading “The End of the Affair.”

Short Thought 017

TheGrimFandango
You know there’s a very good reason the chain has been deemed necessary.

Christ. What a grim indictment on our society that the charity tin sitting on the bar needs to be chained and padlocked to the goddamn beer taps.

Or, from a slightly more abstract viewpoint, perhaps this image exemplifies how our collective hope is intrinsically tethered to beer?

The Kids Are Alright.

While standing at the bar of one of the many bars I frequent, emanating from somewhere behind me, I overhear a female voice taking part in one half of a phone conversation.

“Ugh. I’m at some bar.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t want to be here, its all, like, dark. And full of weirdos.”

“Ugh. No. I have no idea when we’re leaving.”

“Oh Em Gee, it’s the worst, like, I don’t even know why they wanted to come here.” 

“I know! We never go to cool places that I wanna go to.”

Being one of said weirdos in the, like, dark bar, I look over my shoulder to try and steal a glimpse of the dissatisfied orator of this asymmetrical diatribe.

Continue reading “The Kids Are Alright.”

Short Thought 009

Today I’d like to share with you a nice little mix of hyper-awareness and neuroticism.

So.

After complimenting my friendly neighbourhood bar-girl with a “You look really nice today” I then immediately realise how my statement infers she didn’t look nice the day before.

She then responds, “So I didn’t look nice yesterday?

I momentarily pause, index finger outstretched and mouth agape like I’m going to keep my charm intact with a clever retort and… no. Nothing comes out. Clever or otherwise.

She laughs and pours me a beer, while I laugh and hope I came across more awkwardly endearing as opposed to a complete and utter social freakshow.

Good times.