Short Thought 009

Today I’d like to share with you a nice little mix of hyper-awareness and neuroticism.

So.

After complimenting my friendly neighbourhood bar-girl with a “You look really nice today” I then immediately realise how my statement infers she didn’t look nice the day before.

She then responds, “So I didn’t look nice yesterday?

I momentarily pause, index finger outstretched and mouth agape like I’m going to keep my charm intact with a clever retort and… no. Nothing comes out. Clever or otherwise.

She laughs and pours me a beer, while I laugh and hope I came across more awkwardly endearing as opposed to a complete and utter social freakshow.

Good times.

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Could you be any more of a Chandler!?
Could you be any more of a Chandler!?

Oh Facebook! Your ability to create awkward social situations and turn perfectly normal human beings into needy beasts of angst is nothing short of amazing and total!

Recently I was asked by a semi-close acquaintance, via a Facebook message of course, why I had unfriended her. After overcoming mild annoyance at needing to provide a reason for my decision, to someone I’d just unfriended no less, I wrote the following response.

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Train of Thought.

I’ve always had an unnatural fear of sitting next to attractive women on public transport. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bus, tram, train, ferry, plane or Heli-carrier; I feel slightly uneasy whenever I sit next to a pretty girl.

This fear has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of confidence or some form of general social anxiety and more to do with the fact that I suspect pretty girls know they’re pretty. They’re aware of it.

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Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job.

I cut my own hair.

Those that know me in the real world would take that statement as an opportunity to chime in with an enormously humorous and completely underused, “Heh, I can tell.”
Comedic geniuses.

I do this not for money saving purposes or to make a poorly articulated statement about individualism.

No. I do it because historically I have never been able to find a hairdresser that cut my hair how I wanted it cut.  They always cut it how THEY wanted to cut it, or how THEY think would look best. Without fail.
And I’d leave the hair salon with completely unrequested Emily The Strange style bangs or, even worse, a mullet, feeling equal parts angry/sad/confused.

Continue reading “Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job.”

Communication Takes Two.

Since the dawn of mankind we as a species have continued to develop our ability to communicate. Ever since our progenitors discovered they could grunt to convey ideas, we’ve created new means to get a message from our brain and into the brains of others.

From these first tentative steps toward peak communication, from grunts and smoke signals to pigeons, from Maritime flags and sign language to the culture shifting Alexander Graham Bell invention, all the way through to the modern marvel of interconnected satellite computer webs, we have strived to open our channels of communication for the betterment of our planetary society.

With that in mind I share this tale…

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I Spy With My Little Eye, Something Beginning With “D”

It was a day like any other. I was still in Bali trying to do as little as humanly possible while continuing to justify my proclamations of being a writer; the only thing giving my drinking any semblance of legitimacy. Sometimes, like right now, it doesn’t come quite as easily as I wish it did.

I’m not sure if this is because I’m not a very talented writer or because I tend to get distracted by, well, everything. Loud noises, fast movement, beer, shiny things, all seem to want to drag me away from my SERIOUS WRITER BUSINESS.

Continue reading “I Spy With My Little Eye, Something Beginning With “D””

Baby Did A Bad, Bad Thing.

It was Christmas Eve and I was catching a late flight home after visiting my older brother in the less than mythical city of Brisbane, Australia. The plane had been delayed an hour, an hour I decided to fill by drinking beer in the lounge. Then the plane was delayed again, for another hour. Fine by me I thought, I’ll drink some more beer.

By this time a majority of my fellow passengers were beginning to become frustrated at the plane and its ongoing tardiness but I was having a great time, talking nonsense to the other passengers while making up little back stories about them in my mind…

Continue reading “Baby Did A Bad, Bad Thing.”