Oh, And That Snapchat Thing…

What Snapchat thing? This Snapchat thing…


Believe it or not, a reasonable number of peeps actually joined the Only I Stand Here Snapchat account that I created back here.

I can assure you, fair readers, that I’m as shocked as you are.

To these brave souls I say, god bless your cotton socks. You are truly the intrepid pioneers among us and are deserving of all the awe and admiration that such an undertaking warrants.



Only I Stand Here on Snapchat. This Should Be Interesting…

How long until I’m inundated with random dick pics?

Finally! After musing about it forever, and procrastinating about it for even longer, Only I Stand Here is now on Snapchat.

Firstly, I have zero idea how this is going to integrate into Only I Stand Here proper. Or how to manage it at all really. So I’m already off to a brilliant start.

Secondly, I also have zero idea if anyone currently reading my nonsense has any inclination to tap into my ongoing misadventures in a real time environment. I’m an acquired taste, I get that. Having me accessible in the palm of your hand at all times may be a bit much. Fair call really.

Thirdly, following The Year of the Chronically Offended that was 2017, it’s now 2018. The Year Reason Died. There’s every single chance that without the benefit of drafts, review, thoughtful contemplation, or any kind of filtering process, I will offend/alienate the few readers I already have. Apologies in advance.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I’m totally intrigued to see what kind of Snaps I get from the masses.

Dick pics I assume. Always dick pics.

So if you’re into endless non sequiturs, impotent raging against the machine, mass confusion regarding societal norms and the occasional thoughtful prose, all while drinking too much, touch the screen and join the fray!

Only I Stand Here – The Year In (the) Re(ar)view(mirror).

For the same reason I don’t make New Years resolutions I’ve never felt the urge to reflect on my blog at the end of the calendar year.

In both cases it seems so bizarrely arbitrary.

If an individual wishes to reflect on their life or make positive changes to it; kick ass. That’s to be commended. However, ANY TIME IS A GOOD TIME TO DO THIS. The 22nd of July, the 1st of August, the 14th of November or March the goddamn 26th are all equally opportune dates to decide to stop sucking so much.

Continue reading “Only I Stand Here – The Year In (the) Re(ar)view(mirror).”

Short Thought 029

So I was sitting at a bar, minding my own business, when suddenly a random guy appeared out of nowhere and took the seat immediately to my right. Which I found somewhat peculiar because I was sitting alone in a booth.

booths are not for strangers
Awkwardness level: 100%

He was completely unremarkable in every way and, as I was completely immersed in my drinking/writing, I paid him no mind.

At least I tried to.

Continue reading “Short Thought 029”

The End of the Affair.

It’s 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon and I find myself sharing a bar with a group of people celebrating their Primary School reunion.  Which is apparently a thing people do. They all appear to be in their late 40’s/early 50’s and they’re all completely wrecked. Endless waves of Sambuca shots chased by pints of beer will do that to a person.

Because I’m totes sneaky and am always on the lookout for prime blog fodder I accidentally overhear the following quotes which, without the context of 40 years plus of shared experience, all sound somewhat deranged.

Continue reading “The End of the Affair.”

Witch Witch is Witch.

For all of those that haven’t been paying attention, I’m a counsellor and I work at a High School. Recently I was called into a classroom by an English teacher to help deescalate a student from going full ham. Which I was able to do because I’m awesome at my job and speak the language of the voiceless and disenfranchised.

I asked if I could stay in the room, telling the teacher and students I wanted to avoid doing paperwork, but secretly wanting to monitor the student/situation lest shit escalate again. I also wanted to avoid doing paperwork.

Continue reading “Witch Witch is Witch.”

That’s Alright Mama.

My Ma recently texted me because her fridge wasn’t doing cold very well. Which is kinda the main point of fridges. I advised her “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

She stated “No. It’s not a computer. Fridges are all automatic now.”

I responded “Hmm. Are they though? Because yours is only two years old and it isn’t working. Try turning it off and on again.”

My Ma’s response “I don’t want to break it, I might call someone to fix it.”

“Don’t do that, I’ll be up in two days time. I’ll have a look at it.”

Unless it’s on fire, I have zero idea how to tell the difference between a fridge that’s working and one that isn’t. Nonetheless…

Continue reading “That’s Alright Mama.”

The Kids Are Alright.

While standing at the bar of one of the many bars I frequent, emanating from somewhere behind me, I overhear a female voice taking part in one half of a phone conversation.

“Ugh. I’m at some bar.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t want to be here, its all, like, dark. And full of weirdos.”

“Ugh. No. I have no idea when we’re leaving.”

“Oh Em Gee, it’s the worst, like, I don’t even know why they wanted to come here.” 

“I know! We never go to cool places that I wanna go to.”

Being one of said weirdos in the, like, dark bar, I look over my shoulder to try and steal a glimpse of the dissatisfied orator of this asymmetrical diatribe.

Continue reading “The Kids Are Alright.”