Hey Australia, Same Sex Marriage Will Not Destroy Us All.

I’ve touched on the ridiculousness of anti-LGBTIQ sentiment before and with the Same Sex Marriage debate reaching fever pitch in Australia I’m touching on it again.

I’m not going to preach or pontificate, or at the very least I’ll at least try to keep all preachiness and pontifications to a minimum. I simply thought that maybe an every-mans view of the issue may be more tolerable to some than the endless opinions of the pseudo-intellectuals, politicians and religious zealots.

I may, however, swear and cast aspersions.

Before I begin I also want to say; being a guy that is into chicks I straight up acknowledge that there are many people out there far more knowledgeable on the subject that I am. You know, people that have actual experience being in same sex relationships and are therefore far more qualified to comment on how marital prejudice personally affects them and their relationships.

So.

Continue reading “Hey Australia, Same Sex Marriage Will Not Destroy Us All.”

The End of the Affair.

It’s 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon and I find myself sharing a bar with a group of people celebrating their Primary School reunion.  Which is apparently a thing people do. They all appear to be in their late 40’s/early 50’s and they’re all completely wrecked. Endless waves of Sambuca shots chased by pints of beer will do that to a person.

Because I’m totes sneaky and am always on the lookout for prime blog fodder I accidentally overhear the following quotes which, without the context of 40 years plus of shared experience, all sound somewhat deranged.

Continue reading “The End of the Affair.”

Witch Witch is Witch.

For all of those that haven’t been paying attention, I’m a counsellor and I work at a High School. Recently I was called into a classroom by an English teacher to help deescalate a student from going full ham. Which I was able to do because I’m awesome at my job and speak the language of the voiceless and disenfranchised.

I asked if I could stay in the room, telling the teacher and students I wanted to avoid doing paperwork, but secretly wanting to monitor the student/situation lest shit escalate again. I also wanted to avoid doing paperwork.

Continue reading “Witch Witch is Witch.”

That’s Alright Mama.

My Ma recently texted me because her fridge wasn’t doing cold very well. Which is kinda the main point of fridges. I advised her “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

She stated “No. It’s not a computer. Fridges are all automatic now.”

I responded “Hmm. Are they though? Because yours is only two years old and it isn’t working. Try turning it off and on again.”

My Ma’s response “I don’t want to break it, I might call someone to fix it.”

“Don’t do that, I’ll be up in two days time. I’ll have a look at it.”

Unless it’s on fire, I have zero idea how to tell the difference between a fridge that’s working and one that isn’t. Nonetheless…

Continue reading “That’s Alright Mama.”

The Kids Are Alright.

While standing at the bar of one of the many bars I frequent, emanating from somewhere behind me, I overhear a female voice taking part in one half of a phone conversation.

“Ugh. I’m at some bar.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t want to be here, its all, like, dark. And full of weirdos.”

“Ugh. No. I have no idea when we’re leaving.”

“Oh Em Gee, it’s the worst, like, I don’t even know why they wanted to come here.” 

“I know! We never go to cool places that I wanna go to.”

Being one of said weirdos in the, like, dark bar, I look over my shoulder to try and steal a glimpse of the dissatisfied orator of this asymmetrical diatribe.

Continue reading “The Kids Are Alright.”

The One Where Travis Crushes A Little Girl’s Spirit.

This afternoon I found myself on a train. With other people. Which sucks. As previously established, I’m not very good at trains.

Sitting directly behind me was a mother, who I’m sure was a teenager in the 90’s, and her three children. The eldest, a girl that couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven, kept singing a single line from Aqua’s Cartoon Heroes. Over and over again. Very loudly.

Continue reading “The One Where Travis Crushes A Little Girl’s Spirit.”

The Blogarithmic Function.

So. I haven’t written anything more substantial than an email in quite a while. Admittedly a number of those emails were quite profound; like when confirming my attendance at upcoming team meetings in the vein of an overwrought Hemingway. And granted, I have written a few texts that have ended up being an epic four or five “pages” long. Hell, even some of my snapchats can get pretty wordy. No mere “send nudes” from this little black duck.

I’ve never been accused of being succinct.

TrumpGonnaTrump
He’s nothing if not succinct…

Continue reading “The Blogarithmic Function.”

Kermit Earns Himself A Fatwa.

A Saudi doctor has been arrested and is under investigation by the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, the Saudi religious enforcement body, for flying a rainbow flag.

The good doctor claims that he had purchased the flag online after one of his children found the colours pretty. Apparently he was unaware of the LGBTIQ pride message the flag carries.

ColouredFabricIsEvil
Clearly the work of Satan.

Continue reading “Kermit Earns Himself A Fatwa.”