Motivate This! – Entry #007

Like Arson
Coming soon to a local gym facebook post near you!

While this isn’t necessarily an untrue statement, it’s definitely not the kind of affirmation/motivation you hand out to just anybody.


“What’s that you say bouncer man? Hands off the dancers? Pfft. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!” Ten minutes and three cracked ribs later…

“Pull over and put my hands where you can see them? No way Po-Po! Driving 70 kph over the speed limit is awesome because the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!”
One high speed police chase and sixteen charges later…

“I know arson is frowned upon but I hate my neighbour so much and, as they say, the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!”
Seven fire engines and fifteen to twenty years later…

“Society tells me it’s wrong to bathe in the blood of virginal panda cubs then curb stomp puppies while dancing naked through a kindergarten, but one of my highly suggestible friends on facebook reposted a picture that said the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!”

And so on, and so on…

Obviously this affirmation should be given out only after a rigorous psychological evaluation. I mean, we have an entire judicial system in place specifically because people do what people say they cannot do.

And honestly, if your happiness is derived solely from doing what other people have told you you can’t do, you may have a problem.

Motivate This! – Entry #006

Or, conversely, do.
Or, conversely, do.

We all know what these words are trying to convey and it is indeed a noble sentiment. But perhaps instead of using a flimsy literary metaphor the writer of this blinkered motivational should simply have stated what they are actually trying to assert.

Continue reading “Motivate This! – Entry #006”

Motivate This! – Entry #004

Really?
Really?

Magic isn’t believing in yourself. Believing in yourself is believing in yourself.

Magic is the ability to shoot fireballs from your hands and conjure minions from the twisting nether to do your bidding. Or to a lesser extent, knowing what card someone is holding or pulling a rabbit from a hat.

Continue reading “Motivate This! – Entry #004”

Motivate This! – Entry #003

Ah, so we meet again.
Ah, so we meet again.

I’ve seen this jibberish pass through my facebook feed at least 29 times and every single time I angstily think to myself “Who posts this shit? What’s the purpose? What are you trying to convey? That you’re deep? That you yourself think like this? WHY ARE YOU POSTING THIS!?!

Ahem.

These supposed words of wisdom are often incorrectly attributed to a wide variety of knowledgeable people: Bruce Lee, Buddha, Christopher Reeve, Confucius and Vanessa Carlton to fictional characters like Yoda and Morgan Freeman.

Continue reading “Motivate This! – Entry #003”

Motivate This! – Entry #002

Um, no.

The inference here is that once you decide on something the universe conspires to makes it happen. Actually, it’s less of an inference and more exactly what the picture says.

So let’s explore the absurdity of that from two separate angles.
Continue reading “Motivate This! – Entry #002”

Motivate This! – Entry #001

Being citizens of the modern age I’m sure we’ve all happened across those “positive affirmation/motivational” pictures while online.

You know the ones.

Allegedly profound words that are typically set against a beach at sunset or, alternatively, emboldened words on a flat background. Designed to affirm and/or motivate.

We all have at least one friend on facebook that is compelled by an unknown force, possibly Morgan Freeman, to spew out these supposed wise-bombs ad nauseum.

So, in the spirit of pointing out how utterly ridiculous and completely nonsensical these words/pictures can be, I present this inaugural post.

Continue reading “Motivate This! – Entry #001”