Australia Finds A Brand New Way To Kill Its Citizens.

It’s common knowledge that Australia is full of things that can, and will, kill you.

Snakes, spiders, horses, crocodiles, sharks, dingoes, psychos, assholes, farms, amusement park rides… It’s little wonder we drink so much.

For those of us that somehow survive the daily onslaught of these perpetual threats, it’s time to add a new nefarious killer to the list.

Rockmelons. Yeah, fucking rockmelons.

It's Always The Least Expected
Still no word from authorities regarding Deni Hines involvement.

In all seriousness, here in Australia, humanity’s third favourite melon has gone rogue and is now killing people. ABC News reports

A fourth person has died from listeria contracted from eating contaminated rockmelons, Victorian health authorities have confirmed.

There are now 17 confirmed cases of listeriosis around the country linked to the contaminated rockmelons.

Bastards.

Rockmelon
A vivisected rockmelon. Though seen as cruel in some quarters internal examination is the only way to gain an understanding into their true motives.

Now clearly I’m no scientist or doctor, and maybe I’m missing something fundamentally important, but I have a crazy solution to this heinous new threat to our Australian way of life. A solution that is just crazy enough to work.

Stop.

 

EATING.

 

ROCKMELONS!

 

Just a thought.

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